Trolled by a coconut

Ok so here's what happened:

I had some guest coming this week and as is my tradition I thought we'd share a fresh coconut. I went and bought it maybe two days ago, and just today I saw some white coconut goo at the base, I thought to myself "bollocks it had a crack in the shell, air got in and it's all mouldy now".

 Still curiosity at a coconut so powerfully stale that it was forcing out it's own meat forced me to take it to a safe outdoor location to open it. As is my usual method I had a power drill and went at one of the eyes. Normally the drilling takes 20-30 seconds, but this time only about 4 past when the coconut sprayed me with a powerful propulsion of gas and white matter.
  I stood in shock, expecting to be enveloped by the fetored stench of whatever such mould had build up all this gas, but no there was none. The slightest odor of a fresh coconut that had been opened. I was puzzled. If indeed this coconut was fresh then why did it build up such a powerful force of gas? I continued to drill two more holes and decieded the only thing to do was check the milk for discolourment. I did not want to throw away what could be a good and tasty coconut so it was worth further examination. Again on drilling the shell fell through in a matter of seconds, either a very weak shell or I'm getting better with the drill.
   So I preceded now to drain the coconut, that I had 3 holes for in and outflow of air and liquid. I tipped the coconut carefully over a small glass I had to hand. Any normal coconut would have half filled this glass, and with the amount of gas, I really didn't expect as much. As a started pouring I noticed that there was a strong flow of milk. All the coconuts I have opened before started with a gush and quickly turned to a dribble, on this occasion it kept it's muster at full belt, and it kept flowing, and flowing and flowing. The normal sized glass almost larger then the coconut itself filled to the brim!!
     I now was sure that inside this little hairy brown shell was indeed a TARDIS. This coconut had displayed twice a total disregard for the laws of physics and volume capacity. I must know it's secrets. The only way to know for sure lay with a hammer and opening this coconut to the world. I gave the first mighty blow, the coconut resisted. I thrust a second mighty blow, the coconut again stud firm and resisted. I struck it again with a third mighty thump, the coconut split perfectly in two along a seemline.
   I gazed upon it, the innerds of a perfectly white fleshy coconut. With a last smirk, the defeated coconut managed to spill yet more unpoured milk upon my leggings as I took it closer for examination. I had indeed come across a coconut with white unblemished tissue and fowl manners. At the point of turning it to remove the outer husk I noticed green and blue hues that could be the signs of a fungal domination, and leaving me forlorn a messenger of inedible coconut.
   I was determined and spurred on by the smell and sight of creamy, delicious coconut flesh to somehow overcome this obstacle. Glancing around I managed to retrieve a carrot peeler. I would not let this coconut get away from me now, after the experience it had put me through. I began timidly, on a detached hanging segment, without any shell, held in place only by it's inner connection to the surrounding meat. With ease I took sheats of the infected outer, I wield the peeler as a finely tuned instrument, producing perfect results. My mouth now salivating at the thought of sweetness to come. Time passed as if I was standing outside of it's realm.
  Soon I had it completely naked, gleaming white, sweating with juice and ready to be eaten. I held it high, in victory. I tell you now, I was delicate with my grip, so gentle, but the coconut, after all it's tricks had realized that I indeed had mastered it, had only one more inglorious trick to belittle me. I my hand, held high, it shattered. Mirroring my own anticipations and victorious self sense, it fell to pieces.
   Not one would remain in my hand, they rained, like the fiery rain of apocalypse, showering me with dew and and impacting my soul. Each piece guided by loathing for me found it's way to the filthiest, dirt ridden, infectious placing on the ground it could. I gave up, there was no more reason. The wily coconut had indeed taken me for a fool.
   In my despair I thought of the little victory I had. Indeed I had a full glass of somewhat drinkable coconut milk. I swear upon my name as I checked the glass I found the coconut juice was effervescent. Yes, as carbonated as any cola on the market. Should that coconut have been a person, it was surely a witch. Thrice this coconut had baffled me in it's ways. This cloudy liquid confounded me baffled my grasp on science and reason. This breaks all logic and once more the coconut had crushed me, in body and spirit.

So I ask upon you now, with this vile expulsion of bubbling liquid before me, What should I do, and please tell me that this coconut is not the ultimate troll of time and space.

the world is round and no one is born left handed.

I'm going to tell you some facts now, and you won't like them. You'll deny their truth and vilify me, hate me and say all the bad things that I represent, but that doesn't make what I'm going to tell you any less true. These are the facts, please take your opinions and emotions and ideological persuasions out of the thought process and look at what I have to say objectively and scientifically. I'm about to tell you that your world is not flat.

    First, we are all monkeys. Anyone other then a creationist generally accepts that we, as a species, are evolved from monkies. I say we are still monkeys. Physically different, mentally superior, but still a genus of monkeys. Our DNA is 98% the exact same as a chimpanzee, our natural drives and instincts are still the exact same as almost every monkey that exists today. Yes we have building and cars and MTV, but we haven't changed that much. We must get rid of the idea that we are so radically evolved that we have nothing in common, what a monkey is we essentially are. Your subconscious brain is still that of a monkey, all your emotions and instincts. Many of the decisions you make everyday of influenced, without you consciously knowing, by your primate instincts and emotional processing of events. The process of evolution is still going on, though now days survival of the fittest must be having problems as the more intelligent, more evolved, more human, of us tend to have less offspring then those with less desirable traits. However assuming that our brains continue to evolve and we do reach a clear distinction from the primitive instincts of the primate brain then and only then can we call ourselves "Human".

The second point I want to make is the principal of Tabula Rasa holds true in every human being in this planet. Tabula Rasa is the psychological concept that every person born without favor, taste, opinion, persuasion, and personality. Every newborn is mentally a "Blank Slate" hence the Latin title translating as the same. A person acquires all persuasions, belief and knowledge through their life experiences. As an infant you are neither left or right handed. In playing and beginning basic motor function all infants form a stronger reliability on one of their arms. All this is by chance, when something is offered to a baby will he/she use her left or right hand to grip it is arbitrary. When you pick up an object with your right hand certain neurons in your brain fire off, different neurons fire if you pick up the same object with you left hand. Just by seeing another person pick up something with their right hand makes your right hand neurons also fire just as if you were doing the action yourself. These are called motor mirror neurons. Every action you make, infants are practicing mentally to copy and emulate later in life. The prevalence of right handed people is probably, in my opinion, due to more infants seeing people preform right handed tasks, scissors, feeding the baby etc etc.... with right hand more often then left.

   It is not just this that is affected. It is all factors and components of what makes an individual that can be   shaped by his/her interpretation of the world and experiences. Some would say "why don't children of X parents always grow up to be X as well" X in this case is any persuasion, belief, ideology. Well I mentioned earlier it is not the ideas that you are exposed to that directly effect how you will be but the ideas that you attach yourself to. The ideals that you accept as a way to happiness. For the extremes of this please look at  "body integrity identity disorder". Where a person will amputate a healthy limb because they have the innermost belief that they would be happier as a amputee. At some point in their life they saw, heard of, or were told about an amputee that appeared happier then his/her peers. They mentally attached to this belief and assume it as the best course of action. It really depends on your first or early encounters with different concepts and ideas. It's never an obvious, conscious change of beliefs, most of the time you would be too young to really remember anyway, it's small indirect inconspicuous events but these small encounters build your mental landscape.

    Now earlier I used the example of being left handed. To clarify you can substitute the word right or left handed for any of the following and it would still be true: Republican or Democrat, active or lazy, hetro or homosexual, pro or anti abortion, empathetic or intolerant, racist or humanitarian, strong willed or easily influenced, positive or depressive personality, irate or placid, clumsy or coordinated. There are many many more that I couldn't list, but know that almost all aspects of your mental state were built long before you consciously could contemplate their pros or cons.  

More to come on this article.

Thank you Daniel D'arcy

I was very young at the time, perhaps no older then 6 or 7, and playing basketball in the driveway of my house with some of the neighbour hood kids. In the group I felt like I was the youngest, I can't remember all the details but on my team was Daniel D'arcy, much older I think now 12 or 13. As a child the difference in age can feel much greater. As the game progressed my team were losing badly, I felt it and was deeply angry, as angry and frustrated as a 6 year old could be. Without looking at me Danial seemed to notice, and without taking his eyes off the dribbling ball ready for the attack he said something that changed the course of my life forever.

"Don't give them the satisfaction of feeling angry" - Daniel D'arcy. 
I was too young to understand it's full meaning and effect, I'm sure Danial was too, but I kept that in my mind and thought about it for years. I eventually came to the conclusion that it's not the score in some pointless game that matters, it's not that they won, it's not that they're better then you. It's that they can make you feel bad, make you feel useless, inferior and frustrated. To win any battle, simply shrug off any loss. That how you play, not just in games but in life, is not about winning or losing, numbers going up or coming down. It's about how you feel. How much your ready to ask for more, fight with just as much enthusiasm in the end as the start.

Daniel D'arcy has since grown up, like me. Life took us in different ways, I may never see him again. He may never know what effect his few words had on me, and I may never thank him fully. All I can do is ask that you, reader reflect on the words given to you as a child that have stayed in your mind. Did someone change your life by remark? For better or worse thank them. they are the unintentional sculptors of the future.

I'm a Joyist and proud!

I looked in the online English Dictionary {www.dictionary.com} for the word Sadist, the definition I read was: -Noun
 1.  A person that receives sexual gratification through causing pain or degradation to others.
 2.  Any person that enjoys being cruel.
 3.  A person that practices extreme cruelty.

Seems about right. Being the fact freak that I am, I went further to look at the Antonyms, and got this:

Antonyms: Gentleman, humanitarian.

Hold on a moment, that doesn't seem right. Gentleman is the opposite to sadist? Take that definition for sadist and fine the opposite should be something like "A person that receives sexual gratification through causing positive emotions or pleasure in others". Correctly reversing the action rather then making a reflexive about the speaker.

After some research I found that there is no word, that I could find, in the English language that correctly fits the definition I have made in the last paragraph. I think as the first to notice or mention this I should be awarded the right to make such a word. 

I choose "JOYIST"

Joyist: {noun} a person who receives gratification, esp sexual, through causing pleasure or positive emotions in others. 

Joyism: {Adj} the act of receiving gratification, esp sexual, by causing pleasure or positive emotions in others. 

So there, I'm a Joyist, and as far as I know I'm the only one. I prefer to see others derive excitement and happiness through my actions rather then experience physical forms of pleasure myself.

BIG WORDS ARE FUNNY AND CATCH YOUR ATTENTION

"IF IT TOOK A MAN A WEEK TO WALK A FOURT NIGHT, HOW MANY YARDS OF BUTTERMILK WOULD IT TAKE TO MAKE A GALVANISED JACKET FOR A GRAYHOUND"



After some thinking about it I realise that the wall of text that makes up my other posts may overload your brain at first, so here's some funny words to warm you up..........


"I WANT IT BEEF SHAPED, DAMN IT!"

HORRIBLE = HORRID     THEREFORE
TERRIBLE  = TERRID   IT'S SO OBVIOUS

STRUGGLE..... THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MOMENT
STRUGGLE.....IT'S GOT TWO G's AND AN UGGLE. 

"CAN'T STOP HERE THIS IS BAT COUNTY"

  "Dudes, he's not blinking, is he dead?
  "Poke his eyes he'll have to blink."
  "It's ok you can poke my eyes. I trust you man..."

"The best technique with bad instruments will always yeild better results then the reverse" Me December 7th 2010

sexism, political correctness and masculinity.

A great philosopher and poet once wrote "This is a man's man's man's world.....but it would mean nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl." That of course was the late James Brown, the legendary soul singer, speaking about the man's world as he saw it in 1966. I cant help but think since then the world has changed and it's now becoming, or moving in favour of,  a woman's world. Masculinity has become something of a faux pas, and all the standard outlets for manliness have declined or been shunned. I want to argue on behalf of the man that needs to be respected but would never yield to asking for it.
        Never before in human evolution has there been such a rapid change of perception and culture then in the last few decades. Political and social reform has radically altered the expected role of the man and completely changed society's view of what is expected of a man. The idea of masculine strength as a civilizations ultimate virtue was a cultural necessity of a bygone age, when physical strength was vital to power economies and wage war. Otherwise obsolete in a world of predator drones and robotic manufacturing. That's all well and good, but if man's place is no longer on the battlefield or factory floor, where is his place? Even the place of a man as a loving father and devoted husband seem continually under attacked by continuous display of the man as an uncaring sex maniac incapable of romantic expression in media.  While I do agree that all this reform, away form barbarism and physical prowess toward intelligence and less aggressive behaviour is both necessary and beneficial in our technologically connected world I think the way in which it's developing and moving is incompatible with the male psyche.
         People must understand there are many natural driving influences in a man's personality, I think of them as the "Warrior" and the "Gentleman", both with malicious counterparts. As opposite as those two are they both work together to form the motivations and drive that makes every male. The first, the warrior, gives a man motivations for courage, selflessness, alertness, goal orientation, physical prowess, cunning, sexual drive and determination. From the gentleman side he gains civility, intellect, refinement, generosity, artistic appreciation, romantic feelings. It must be stressed that both have an ugly counterpart that is brought forth by societial influance. I consider those to be the "snob" and the "lout". The snob an excluding, prejudiced, snide, unwelcoming, ruthless personality and the lout an unintelligent, overly aggressive, immature, inarticulate, brute intent on destruction.
       We must therefore find the optimal situation where the warrior and gentleman personas work together to overpower their negative counterparts in the minds of all men. We must shape society to have a place for men to feel naturally needed and vital in that role. It appears to me that the western culture seems geared toward a female mindset. Just look at all the marketing geared at female interests the massive fashion industry, all the laws that work against any sort of physical contact, against male fathers, against the rough and tumble that is natural (and necessary) in every man's world.
        Moving on to look at sexism, it is the belief that one gender is superior to another, usually male over female, and that the inferior is incapable of work, cannot be as intelligent as the superior, and has no understanding of value. Let me make it clear this is the absolute worst of the human condition and comes directly from society allowing the snob values to rear their head in a man's mind. This is of course a behaviour that must be obliterated from all conscious thought. Here's the twist, there is a such thing as gender pattern identification, that all to often is mistaken for the much more vile sexism. It's not that easy to explain so I'll do my best and please read to the end before making a judgement.
        Gender pattern identification is simply put a bet. Like betting on a horse race or boxing match. It's an educated guess at who the superior will be in a situation with insufficient information to be sure. When a businessman states that he would prefer a male employee over a female he is not saying that all men would be superior to women in that given position, but rather without a full knowledge of each candidate men have a higher tendency to excel in that area of profession {note 1}. Example taken from a NCBI investigation: pilot error is much higher in female pilots then that of men 81% vs. 48% by almost double. Now while I fully accept there are some female pilots with perfect safety records, and some much higher then men, there is a tendency to cause a dangerous situation. This is reflected in the much higher employment rate as a percent of total application of male pilots in the industry. Some would call this sexist and petition the airlines to have a more equal gender employment rate, this is the flawed association of sexism with gender pattern identification. 
        In the same vain, while using the statistics of performance there are some stereotypical careers and activities that are thought of as better suited to men that are actually better suited to women. Women are much  more prone to be "super tasters"{note 2} having for more taste buds per unit area of tongue then men. In so all paths that require taste are better suited to women. Women also have better coordination and balance then men, allowing gymnastic ability far above that of a man. All these are statistical probability, and there are many exceptions to the rule, it must be stress that these are only a bet in the situation that a lack of other information makes a correct selection of the best individual candidate is impossible.
        In the hypothetical situation of the sinking ship or any other life threatening situation I'll be the first to say "women and children first". Let this be clear, I would sacrifice my life, simply because gender pattern identification says that a womens life is infinity more valuable then my own! I would hope any other man would do the same. When I say women and children I don't mean my own wife and children, I mean you (assuming you're a female reader) or absolutely any woman. I'm making a bet just like as before, that a woman's life is more important then my own. Now there is the chance that you'll fill yourself up with heroin and drugs and waste your life making my bet invalid, yet still every time I would give my life without a second thought, simply because I am a "disposable man".
      

{note 1" Loss of control on landing/takeoff was more common in crashes of female pilots. Mishandling aircraft kinetics was the most common error of pilots of both genders and was noted more often in female pilots' crashes (81% vs. 48%)"http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11346011 }

{note 2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertasters}
will continue soon.......